Sometimes, I wonder if I should have taken a different road in life. What if I had made a left hand turn instead of left. Would my future be different? What if I had made a couple compromises, or a couple more leaps of faith. As I look back, I remember that when my mom would ask us kids what we wanted to be when we grew up, I never truly had an answer. As much as I searched my heart as child, even as a teenager, I still never had a moment when I suddenly discovered if I was meant to have a special career. I was home schooled all my life. I never played organized sports, except for a year on my employer's softball team. I am not athletic in many ways, so it was interesting to say the least. I had a chance that I might have had an opportunity to work my way up in my job. But, I had my life plan laid out. I would pay my way through school, get married, and have children. I went to college as a business major. That was just a cover for what I really wanted. I wanted nothing more than to find my future husband. As it turned out, I didn't even meet my husband at college. So, a year and a half through college I got married. I didn't get to finish college. I now have two beautiful little girls, and I can't wait to have more. I want to finish, I truly do. It seems that the finances and timing have never come together since then. I suppose that going back to school is something like having children. You can never be really ready, and sometimes you can't plan out how every little thing will come together. I love my husband, my girls, our house, our rabbit, and our life together. I can't honestly say I regret anything I've done. There are many things that I think about that may have changed who I am today and where I am, but I'm not sure I would want to know. I know that God knew how my life would come together, and He has already written the ending. Each part of my past as molded me into whom I am today. It  as made me the All-American mom. Someone who is always learning, struggling, and juggling life and family. Is there really a better calling for me? Have I missed something along the way? I don't believe so, but always I have the nagging thought of what might have been. I suppose someday in heaven I'll be able to ask God that very question, and I will see how what might have been, would never been near as sweet as what is now and will be.

More Hospitals!

I have been really busy the last couple weeks so I haven't had much time to keep things updated! We're home from the with our baby girl. Thankfully we only had to stay two nights and she is improving every day. The bad news is that every time she gets a cold she will probably get the nasty cough she has right now. Our oldest is back to normal I think. She is still having problems with staying in her bed when we put her to bed. Either she is being especially difficult or she is still suffering from the last month of ups and downs. I know these first two months of the new have worn me out! I can only pray that this is the end and we will all stay healthy. I do believe that I've reached my limit of dealing with situations like this. Every day is a new day and I try to keep the mind set that each day will be a step forward in our lives. In a good way!

Hard Times

I haven't been able to update everyone in a long time now. It has been a crazy couple of weeks.
First my older daughter fell off her bed hit her wooden doll cradle. That incident left a two inch gash which led to a trip to the emergency room and seven stitches. This same night we she and I were diagnosed with bronchitis. Five days later we took her to have her stitches removed. That afternoon she fell and reopened the cut. That led to another emergency room visit. It was a very bad experience this time. We waited two and half hours just to have them throw steri-strips and betadine on the cut. Of course that did not come close to helping it. The cut really needed to be stitched again or at least some glue put on it. By the time we got her home the strips were falling off and and had been bled through. My husband went to the pharmacy and asked them what we should put on it. So my husband and I bandaged her ourselves which looked much better than what the hospital had done.
Tonight my husband and I are sitting in the hospital with our five week old daughter. She has RSV and was hospitalized on Thursday. We caught it early so we're hoping to go home tomorrow. There has been many people praying for our little girl's recovery. It has already been a long tiring experience for everyone in my family. We can only hope the end is in sight.
I've learned something from this experience. Whenever someone else is going through something like this, we always tell them we're praying for them or we can't imagine what they're going through. Well, that last statement is so very true. Never in my life has anything been so hard. Now in this last couple weeks seeing both my girls in so much pain and discomfort has been emotionally draining. Especially this hospital stay. My baby girl looks so pitiful laying there trying to sleep and struggling through her many coughing fits. I just never thought that I would be here.
I've always been able to take whatever happened to me. It didn't matter so long as my family was healthy. I know this is a test of faith, but I can't say I'm handling it very well. Up to now I've been able to take care of all my girls needs, Now I'm having to take them elsewhere and let other people do what I consider to be my job and noone elses. It's leaving me frustrated and pretty upset. Now I can truely understand what other moms must feel when their little ones are in the hospital. I know many are much worse off than mine, but to me this is very bad at the moment.
There's no time to stop and really think about it all which I think is a good thing. When this is over I should be able to look back with a clear head and see how fortunate we were and see how I failed in so many areas. Times like these show me how weak I really am. The last few weeks has been some of the most trying times for me. My older daughter is suffering as she doesn't know where "Baby" and "Momma" are. We're all suffering from lack of sleep, and my youngest is fighting just to breathe.
I can only pray that this will pass soon!

Once Again, Fallen Short of the Mark

This time at least I have a good alibi! My nineteen month old once again has had a visit to the emergency room. This time she fell off her bed, hit her wooden doll cradle, and put a two inch gash on her forehead. It took six stitches and three people holding her down. I do not look forward to this Wednesday when they take the stitches out. The hardest part is trying to keep her from tearing the stitches. You would never know she had those stitches if you couldn't see them. She is still running and tripping the same as always. It had kept me on edge the last couple days. I don't think I was made to handle these kind of incidents.
That same night, they told us she has bronchitis. To top that off, I was also diagnosed with it. It's been a rough couple of days. I just pray that with this warmer weather the last couple days that things will clear up at my house! I just remain thankful that so far my husband has been healthy and we haven't had any problems with the baby.
As late as it is, I need a good nights sleep to handle the munchkins tomorrow! A mother's work is never finished. Thank God for His wonderful grace! I couldn't pull through these rough times without Him.

I had told myself I was going to try and post every day. Heaven knows that every day something new happens with having two little girls! However, I was very sick the last couple days and my oldest had to go the doctor Sunday morning with a double ear infection. Sigh, it seems that this year it's just one bug after another! I'm hoping that it warms up soon for good. I'm ready for some spring weather! It'll be good to get my girls outside and to go to the park.
Tonight the whole family made a trip to the grocery store. I kept it short to make sure that my husband and I didn't lose our minds! It went very well actually. The baby was the hardest because she seems to be suffering from a little colic. One small success for us!
The last couple nights have been rough. Our oldest has been trying our patience. She doesn't want to stay in her bed at bedtime. She keeps trying to play or opening her door to come find us. It went on for two hours the other night. Each time we'd spank her and then put her right back in her bed. She is a strong willed child! And, with the baby being colicky it's been a little bit tough. Mostly for my husband! I've been taking cough medicine so I sleep great. Since I have to keep them both all day I figure he can at least help out at night!
Well, I must go and try to comfort my poor baby girl! She is having a rough night already. Pray for us!

I'm Back!

I haven't been on to psot for quite a while now. Between being sick, computer being down, and having my baby; I've just been really busy!
Yes, you read right. I have had my precious little baby girl. She is simply beautiful and looks just like her sister. I have truly been blessed to have to healthy baby girls. Even on the tough days, I try to remember that God has given me such a wonderful gift in my two daughters.
I was lucky enough to have a quick and simple delivery. I was induced, and I had only four hours of hard labor. Much better than my first! The most memorable part is how the nurse almost had to deliver my baby girl. She checked me and I was still only at 7cm. Well, after a couple contractions I could tell a big difference all of a sudden. My mom asked me what was wrong, and I said they better call the nurse back. Sure enough, I had jumped to 10cm in just 10 minutes. Waiting for the doctor was the hardest part. Now I know what they're talking about in movies or books when the woman says she has to push. A completely new yet exciting expierence. Well, as it is time for dinner I must go! I have a certain 19 month old hanging on me!

The End of 2010

I cannot believe that this year is almost over! It seems like it just started. The older you get the faster time flies!
Just over a month from now we should be welcoming our sweet new baby girl into this world! I will be so glad that this pregnancy is over. Morning sickness and backaches will not be missed. With her arrival though, I know there will be some major changes taking place. I'm going have to try to schedule doctor appointments together, get two kids dressed for church, and try to schedule both girls nap times together. This with the added stress of buying extra diapers, less sleep, and listening to two cry at the same time will prove to be a challenge. It begs the question, do I really think I can handle a nineteenth month old and a newborn?
On the upside, our little girl has made the transition from crib to big bed quite easily. There has been the fight of making her stay in bed, especially during the day, but all in all she adjusted quickly. If only I could get her to feed herself her oatmeal so easily. She is using the spoon quite well, but I'm afraid it will be awhile before she figures out how to do it all on her own. This should make breakfast time quite interesting in our home! I guess it's a good thing that I don't eat much for breakfast.
One thing about me is that I like to make lists. I just made a new one for everything that needs to be done in the next couple months. It sometimes seems quite impossible. I like to throw a couple of easy things on there just so I can cross them off and feel like I've actually accomplished something. So this list includes all of our final baby purchases, painting the girls furniture, and sundry other tasks that, Lord willing, will be finished on time.
I've never been so anxious for a year to end! I look forward to the new experiences I will facing. Most of them that is. I hope that everyone else has a great Christmas and holiday season!